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and I will bitch bout' anything I please.
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i don't know what have i change to now.
the things that i'm doing are just so not myself.
i really wish that i can be back the old eli.
thinking back, i don't know what have i been doing for this whole year.
haven't been studying and yet, doing all those things that the old eli will never ever do.
whenever i think back, i feel that i'm such a loser and a failure.
i really miss her.
and i know she's gone for good.
she can never adapt to the lifestyle that i'm having now.

and maybe cos of this, i've lost my childhood friends.
yes, i do enjoy my life but i regret too.

what should i do?
i'm feeling so not right.

watched fantastic four today. (:
many advised me not to watch the show.
decided to watch the movie still. not bad.
maybe i was too attracted by the HOT jessica alba. omg.





after movie, alvin sent d0reen and yuqin home.
so after they went home, called cheryl and jr0ng.
supper. hungry. =x im getting fatter and fatter. yes, FAT.
went to the hongkong cafe at outram.
had difficulties communicating with the waitress.
they just can't understand basic english.
anyway, i love their broccollis. yummy.

gonna sleep and meet cheryl later on for her shopping.
sweet dreams to eli.

went tanning few days back.

alcohol can lead to reckless driving and accidents.
the worst of all, alcohol makes one get 'high' and don't know what they're doing.
and the next day, they feel guilty.

anyway, this post is for ytd. X)

went jur0ng point with my cousin, geena.
had swensens before we started shopping. (:
oh ya, jie brought kez along too.
had some finger food and icecream.
and my dear kez boy spill the ice water on me. o.O
luckily its just ice water and i was wearing jeans.
so sh0pped around.
unlike jie, i've only one denim casual wear dress from fox.
she got one dress from fox and a red tube from bysi.
i got the same one sometime ago at 30+ 40.
and she bought at 15. o.-"

went over jie's place and kenny sent kez to kenny's mum place.
went kb0x. initially, there's only jie, kenny and calvin.
we finished one bottle.
and when jinghui and alvin came, another bottle.
i was kinda drunk as i puke twice.
alot of BOTTOMSUP! l0l.
and it was after the drinking and everything started.
i was pushed here and there. and banged the wall.
dumb eli =x
after everything was kinda settled and i saw them went into the cab, alvin drove me off.
yes, that period of time, i needed cheryl. loves babe!
hopefully, everything's gonna be fine.

praying hard..

sighs.
i don't know what i should do to make both parties happy.
i can't hurt this party and neither do i wanna lose another.
outsiders might think that i'm selfish but the matter of fact is, i know i don't hafta lose either one.
when i was pissed rgrding your rs with her, you talk to me.
thou i'm not convinced, i told myself that its your rs and i will support you in whatever you do.
even thou i don't wanna care.
but things doesnt seems to be working out this way for me.

another thing. another one.
i know that i was harsh with my words and i caused ya dunno how to face me.
i wanted to find chance to talk to you but you denied away all the chances.
drag and drag.
you gotta face me sooner or later, you should know it better than anyone else.
and i already given in even though im the one who was pissed.
seriously, i don't know how to talk to ya.
i find chances and yet..
sometimes i wonder, you are like sounding that i'm the bad guy.
i didn't ask ya to change for me or wad cos eli ain't selfish.
i accept friends for who they are.
i'm no longer the old eli who will keep bugging you.
i will try and find chance to talk to you again.
once again, if you denied it, i will just let things be in this way.

sighs.
problems.
why can't i just start this smoothly?

silly eli.

just got home and yeah, bathed.


recently, everything has been going on so well till today. yeah, everything went smoothly till today.
people whom i known for years and the ones that i care, they are putting me in a difficulty.
i was so depressed when i see the message. seriously, i wonder have you cared for me like how i cared for ya?
i told ya cos wanna keep you update abt my lifestyle. yet, i got hurting words in return.
just because both of you are in conflicts and ain't in good terms, it doesn't hafta not involve me.
and you told me that you won't got me involved into your conflicts but you don't mean what you say.
seriously, i don't wanna take sides nor make a choice cos it will be unfair to another party.
in order not hurt the other party, i will lose two of you.
is a very unfair way out for me.
i told myself before that since i wanna get involved in this, i won't hurt that party.
sighs.


what am i supposed to do?
be selfish for once and get sinful again?