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and I will bitch bout' anything I please.
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it has got me thinking and wondering again..

i was having my doubts,
and you encouraged me to.
telling me all the logic and theories of life,
nagging at me for my silliness.
i always pay 101% of attention when you spoke,
and listen attentively to what you had to say.
i remembered that phone call which i dont expect,
caring for me when we knew each other only for months.
i thought you, my friend, was true,
i thought you meant every single word.
i thought and i thought..
i seem t be wrong, again.

i dont know.

every moment flashes thru' my mind,
i can remember each and every one clearly.
time passes, wounds recovered.
still, scars remained.

i was once such a happy girl,
with a wonderful family, loving hot girlfriends and an understanding boyf.
i realized the many changes in me...

i can never be as pure as how i used to be,
i cant be a simple girl again.
im never as lively,
im never as cheerful,
im never as friendly,
im no longer the happygolucky kinda sort.
there seems to be many hidden feelings within me which i dont even know,
its seems like i can never be true again; im stained.
it seems like im so affected and influenced by the society,
the cruel, harsh and realistic world.
i feel so much of a pretender myself now,
i feel insecure.
i feel pathetic.
i feel a total bitch in me.

there's a period in my life,
i was forced to face this practical and realistic world.
it was def a killer for me,
and i really thank god that im still alive.
&& im def blessed with a real bff, sokwei.
she's always there when im living my life to the fullest,
she will still be there when im having lows.
she will slap me if im a stupid bitch,
she will kiss me if im good.
she's the simplest girl ive ever met.
i strongly believe,
and sincerely wish,
both of us will treasure this special affinity, this special friendship.
sokwei, if youre reading this,
im so glad that you stole my gtech pen. (:


pardon me for the long lost pic, im using my lappy and peeks are on my desktop! (:

i cant wait for work tmr..
with the kiddos, im never a pretender.
thats why i love my job.

&&& sokwei, hope everything goes fine for ya. its really worrying..

current situation:
on my lappy in a comfy air-conditioned room,
tuning in to 987fm listening to fave dj prog; muttons to midnight,
and sitting on my just delivered seahorse bed.

supposedly to do my individual presentation which is gonna to be due on next wed.
how am i gonna concentrate on my work when everything is so comfy that i just wanna slack thru' the night?
especially the muttons blabbing and fooling around?
i'd started my ms ppt,
trying real hard to get some work done.
but but but, how can eli ever multi-task? (:

WISHLIST

1) if my wish comes true for my bday this yr,
i will definitely be the luckiest bitch on earth.
but i know very well that this wish of mine will just turn to a dream,
a dream that will take.. who knows?
x years to come true.

2) within the next two years,
i wanna go to langkawi, bali, redang and tioman!!
plan: two beach getaways/year.
if possible and mummy wont kill me for travelling
to beach places so much,
travel to all the four places in a year! wooooooooohooooo~
mummy never like me to go to beach resorts,
she will rather me travel to shop.
and i really wanna learn scuba-diving and get a bloody license for it!!!
my fate or not, mummy will never allow me to do so.

3) be really tan.
really wanna try those apply-on indoor tanning cream,
literally speaking, you will be tan without going under the sun.
worry for the side effects that it may cause my skin to have,
and worse, scars or unpleasant marks for a lifetime!
or try out at those tanning salons.
heard that tanning salons dont really work,
you just hafta keep going for the sessions and,
one full package shows just a lil tan?
waste of money.
but come to think of it,
if i do it in either of the ways,
it meant that i cant wear and flaunt my nice bikinis!
CONTRADICTING!
lmao.

4) get more lingerie and bikinis.

5) victoria secrets to be in town? lol.

6) for wish 1 to come true.

7) for all wishes
and priority; wish 1 to come true!!!

i still have plenty of time to write a bday wishlist!
ages since i wrote a bday wishlist,
i rmbr how i used to do it when i was young.
writing and drawing it down on a piece of paper,
and give it to mummy.
now, i just tell her. lol.
so wishlist, wishlist..

before i should lengthen my wishlist,
assignment to be done beforehand!!

ps: finally sokwei is back. misses soooooo!

i hate slacking thru my noon and,
having gotta waste my evening away for night class; 630 till 930.
however, the earliest the class will start is at 7,
and the latest it will end at 9.
last friday was 7 till 830.
to love or to hate? lol.

ooooooooohright.
will be away during the national day weekend for a getaway as a celebration for teachers' day.
as muslims will be fasting during the actual day,
so we bring it forward to national day as its kinda a long weekend?
destination: batam.
i will not go to the beach for the watersports or whatsoever,
it will dirty my precious bikinis. !!!!
i will just be by the pool, sun-tanning and swim,
and ohhhh, their indonesian massage.
i missed the one at bintan; 'princess therapy'.
when i called up the resort at batam,
i was asking for the star rating.
answer: we're under singapore marine yacht club.
good enough, and gonna have a seaview room with balcony.
hillview? no way, bye mozzies.

gonna pack up for school!

im really totally lost for words;
its neither cause im guilty,
nor that i needa cast a protective charm.
it is the merry-go-round that makes my jaws drop,
the spinning wheel that leaves me speechless.

i really meant it when i said nothing.
i dont wanna be meticulous,
i dont wanna be a paranoia.
i only try to let the positive overpower the negative,
and i allow it to happen.
that's all.

sometimes,
things are really as simple as it seem.
nature of human being,
overlook the simplest idea,
and make allowances for complications to take place.

you had got me thinking,
bout' what you had said last night.

i thought it will be easier and that it will be possible,
to clear those thoughts,
if i just keep myself occupied and,
to be around with lovely souls.
i was totally wrong.

hours, minutes and seconds it had been,
im still a lifeless being.

those words that you had said,
cant stop flashing thru' my head and,
i cant believe you said those.
i'd tried to discuss and to share,
it seems like it will lead to quarrels in the end.
you seems so full of yourself,
you thoughts, ideas and logic,
are always right and are forever the facts.

and that lil conversation that we had,
had really got me thinking real and hard;
from the attitude to the tone,
from the tone, to the words,
from the words, to the actions,
and every other things.
i can anticipate you reactions;
im thinking too much,
and i will hafta live with it.

listening ear, shoulder to lean on,
assurance and comfort,
its impossible.
you speak only for yourself,
but you never know how much these lil actions can help.
you cant feel and understand.
i know, its none of your business.
but you never try to feel.
as you always perceive,
im always the faulty one.
i thought i had you with me,
i was wrong.
im all alone.

but..
you aint like this at all.
maybe, im no longer the one.

love, do you?

obsessed.

its finally friday, the long awaited weekend is here.

im rushing thru' my course and had completed all my modules except one;
one that gonna make me stay back till 930 later, on a friday. nice.
its the last module and as i will be taking it during the night,
no more afternoon classes for me.

wanted to come back home for a nap earliler,
had meeting that ended at 3.
family day, teacher's day planning.
dead tired now.

a smoke before i go for my shower.
and brazillian at 530 and class at 630 later.

Check this out!




Evian Roller Babies Advertisement [International Version]



adorable yeh? sweeeeeet!
cool, cool, COOL!

im so so disappointed!!
i wanna watch half-blood prince on its first day of release!
i wanna watch it in gold class.
but if i were to watch it in gold class,
the earliest will be 20 jul, which is next monday.
BUT I CANT WAIT!
damn it, i should ve booked it earlier!!!!
what should i do now?
gold class or first day?

i can watch gold class w jun thou..
as i will be catching its first w bby.
but i wanna go gold class w bby too!!
HOW?
and bby is sleeping now,
so gotta wait till later to decide..

the normal theatres are almost full too.
its really sad.

-- ST FILE PICTURE
QUICK, who's paid less?

Pre-school teacher or lorry attendant?

If you guessed lorry attendant, you got it wrong.

Yes, your children's early education is in the hands of teachers who are paid less than lorry attendants and pest exterminators.

That's according to Ministry of Manpower figures released on 30Jun. Pre-school teachers are among the 10 lowest paid at about $1,100. (See table.)

Mrs Jessie Chang, 38, who teaches the nursery class in a kindergarten, said she earns barely that much, despite six years of experience. Her starting salary was only $800.

The New Paper on Sunday spoke to pre-school teachers and principals and learnt that on average those with a diploma in pre-school teaching earn between $1,500 and $2,600.

Unlike teachers with the Ministry of Education, a pre-school teacher's pay is determined by the school. The less business it has, the less it pays teachers.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a kindergarten principal with 10 years' experience said a pre-school teacher's pay depends on the teacher's educational qualifications and experience, with performance in school also being considered.

She added: 'Eventually, when we have teachers with degrees, fees will go up as parents will understand that they are paying for the quality of teachers.'

Mrs Chang, who holds a diploma in early childhood education, said: 'Our salary increment is really like a tortoise crawling. Even part-time salesgirls earn more than us.'

She was drawing a salary of $1,600 as a secretary in a computer firm, but quit when her husband was posted overseas.

She went into pre-school teaching as it let her have more time with her children. It turned out to be tougher than she thought.

'You have to teach them how to hold the pencil, clean the children up when they soil themselves, organise concerts, deal with their anxiety after they are separated from their parents, and gain their trust,' said MrsChang, who takes care of 24 children.

Little recognition

'We are the ones laying the foundation for their education in primary school, but we rarely get the recognition for our work. Sometimes, I feel like quitting.'

But she chooses to stay on because of the happiness she brings to her little wards.

Parents like Mr C H Ong are calling for higher pay, of at least $1,500 for pre-school teachers.

Mr Ong, 34, whose daughter is turning 3 years old, said he felt that a starting pay of $1,100 is 'crazy'.

He said: 'It's not right that the teachers are paid so little. They are like second mothers to the children. They should be rewarded, and their efforts should be recognised through their pay.'

Here's the nub, though. He's not prepared to pay more in school fees.

But some parents do pay a lot.

While a PAP Community Foundation kindergarten charges about $100 a month for a half-day programme, private kindergartens charge anywhere from $200 to more than $1,000 a month.

Housewife Belinda Poh, 45, a mother of three children, aged between 8 and 13, said she would pay more for better teachers.

She said: 'You'd be surprised at how important the work of pre-school teachers is. If they are not well-trained, they cannot detect symptoms of autism and sensory processing disorder in children, and will not be able to do early intervention.'

The problem of low pay for early childhood educators is a 'universal' problem, noted Mr John Cooley, 60, the executive principal of EtonHouse School Singapore.

He said that while many people now view pre-schools as providing only child-minding services, this is slowly changing.

'It is gaining recognition, and people are starting to realise the critical importance in giving their children a head start through a learning environment that stimulates their curiosity and sense of wonderment, and turns them into life-long learners. This requires very competent, well educated and reflective teachers,' he said.

To attract teachers of such calibre, said MrCooley, schools have to be willing to pay a reasonable salary, perhaps even matching those who teach at primary and secondary levels.

While he declined to reveal how much his pre-school teachers earn, he said they are paid higher than the industry standard.

If the pay is no good, they leave. Parents, teachers and principals said pre-school teachers often quit after a short time on the job.

Mr Tan Hwee Yong, 35, a technical officer who sends his daughter to a pre-school, said: 'Passion for the job is important, but it only gets you so far. We should pay higher salaries to attract good teachers.'

Worst paid jobs*

1. Office cleaner $600

2. Manufacturing labourer and related worker $760

3. Kitchen assistant $991

4. Plastic product machine operator $994

5. Hospital attendant $1,000

6. Travel agency and related clerk $1,016

7. Waiter $1,080

8. Pre-primary education teachers $1,100

9. Lorry attendant $1,102

10. Pest exterminator $1,106

* Based on median starting salary

Career development may help: govt panel

MEMBERS of Parliament have asked the Government to consider being more involved in training pre-school teachers. But 'it is not a commitment MOE can make lightly', said Mrs Josephine Teo, who chairs the Government Parliamentary Committee for education .

Focusing on career development for the teachers may help, she said.

'In the old days, the Ministry of Education saw many good teachers leaving the profession. But over the last 10 years, after career development was given more priority, the quality of teachers has improved a great deal.

'Now, the early education sector is also moving in that direction as people have higher expectations of early childhood educators.'

Mrs Teo was hoping to see the Government committing resources to early childhood education by providing the training that these teachers need.

She said: 'This way, we can... help these teachers move up the professional ladder. Hopefully, with these measures in place, the quality of teachers and their pay will improve.'

taken from: http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,207589,00.html

was at gna sis place ytd and saw a copy of newpaper.
so i read it and tada! look at the above mentioned article.
it speaks the truth in the field of early childhood education!!
like what mrs chang had said, at times preschool teachers do feel like quitting!
and ive friends and people telling me that working with young children is an easy job as we just hafta play with children.
but mind you people, its more than that.

now im gonna state the points and so, THINK!
as a preschool teacher:
we will need to change and shower em,
educate them academically,
guide them physically/intellectually/emotionally and socially,
beware of their developmental changes and progress developments,
having a pair of eyes on a class of many children to ensure their behaviors will not lead to any dangers [eg; climbing of shelves],
be inclusive of every single child in the class,
dealing and coping with new children who may cry for the whole week, 24/7 when they're in school,
maintaining a good, effective and positive communication with parents.

these are just the basis that must be met and done everyday by the preschool teachers.
and preschool teachers are among the lowest paid?
i believe that teaching is a respectable career and most importantly,
preschool teachers build the child's foundation,
we not only prepare them for their primary schools,
we lay the foundation of a life time.
research and theories had shown that the most crucial time of the child is the first 6 years.

i will opt for studying in ece in a private school rather than taking up business or other better courses in poly is because i feel that working with children,
i will be facing new challenges, surprises and will have different experiences every day.
and i like it this way rather than dressing up nicely and sitting in the office facing the same computer, same kinda documents everyday.
although as a preschool teacher, i do not really have the chance to doll up and needa be appropriate in dressing, i dont mind it at all!

these kinda issues, talks, articles and etc that speaks the heart of preschool teachers had appeared before.
the qualifications needed for working in this line is rising,
so stop imagining that with a n' level now,
you are capable of working in this line.
anyway, the govt is paying more attention on us,
and hopefully things will be better for preschool teachers as time pass.

i wonder what's wrong with my IE recently that i hafta use safari to surf the net.

i can feel the fast beating of my heartbeat,
i can hear the heavy breathing within me.

i don't want to.

everything is just beautiful now.

reupdated: im feeling tons better now, i love you bby!!

ain't these three pictures beautiful?
bby is definitely gonna kill me when im going to text him before i sleep;
look at the friggin' time - good morning!
yesterday he was a lil pissed but i really gotta do assignment.
well, really gotta go and get my beauty sleep.
before all the nonsensical things starts to appear all over my body.
at least i sleep at this timing,
i can skip medication as i wouldnt need it,
since i will definitely sleep like a pig later.
sweeeet dreams!

alright!
oh yeh, as i was mentioning just ytd,
i wanna create an icon or something liddat to make it as my signoff.

reason 1: it just comes to my mind suddenly!
reason 2: it is better than those typical signoff.
reason 3: i wanna create it for a change as for ALL of my post, i always literally typed out 'loves, eli.'

yep, just these simple reasons.
uh uh, im not obliged t blog bout it, i just wanted to.

i was such in a mood to blog bout random stuffs..
but heard sth from sokwei and its making me mad like a mad woman now.
though im not her mom or have no rights to interfere,
but fucking hell, i cant see my BFF go thru' that man!
in my eyes, she's just like my sister.
one whom i can talk to, bitch together with, drink together with, cry together with and everything!!
I CANT IMAGINE THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN.
for the sake of sw's privacy,
i shall not blog bout' it here but conclusion:
FREAKING FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!

&& chill eli, chill. i cant be overboard.
but i really feel like slapping somebody's face right now.

sokwei, i still lovee!! (:

i'd posted and wrote about this story before.
was reading thru' my life and found it meaning to post it again.
on december 4, 2007, i posted it cause i'd nothing to do and trying to crap.
reading it for the second time, idk why but im just gonna post it again.

once upon a time,
there was an island where all the feelings lived;
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge and all others, including Love.
the island was called Emotions.
one day, Knowledge announced to all the other feelings that Emotions will be sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
so, all the feelings built their own boats and prepared to leave.
Love stayed on Emotions,
she wanted to preserve the island till' the last possible moment.
when Emotions was almost totally under the ocean,
Love decided that it was time to leave.
Sadness passed by and Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you."
"Love, i'm sorry. i need to be alone now," replied Sadness.
Love saw Happiness next and she cried,"Happiness, please take me with you."
however, Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.
Love began to cry.
"come Love, i'll take you with me."
Love was overjoyed and felt so blessed that she forgot to ask for his name.
when they arrived on land, he went his way.
Love realised that she did not know who her benefactor was.
just then, Love saw Knowledge and asked,"who was it that helped me?"
Knowledge replied," it was time."
"but why will he helped me when no one else would?"
Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom, he answered,
"because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

moral of the story:
1. Love is to be faithful.
2. Love is emotional.
3. No matter what happens, love will be the last and the only one to be by one side.
4. Love is great.
5. Love is daring.
6. Love is courage.
7. Love is patience.
8. Love is wonderful.

to me,
love is to trust,
love is to respect,
love is to care,
love is to pamper,
love is to be child-like,
love is everything,
love is just love,
love is to be with you.
without you in my life,
love ain't possible.

the reason to keep me thru' the night,
you're the reason for my every single smile and tear.
iloveyou tons x infinity!

& sokwei!! i was reading thru' all the happy and crazy shopping and tanning days! i know you will be reading this. when is the next time?! obviously, after i recover. (:
&& pardon my dark circles for the pics. its without makeup man!
&&& finally, finished my overdue assignments!
&&&& omg, i was just reading thru' my reasons of love, i realized the no its the same as the morale that i'd stated, totally unintentional! its simply love!
&&&&& i love my bby boy lotsa x infinity!!!
&&&&&& i just love being child-like in love!

loves, eli.

oh yeh, in the wee hours of the night,
im still up, awake,
trying to do my pathetic assignment which was due last friday.

i thought it was monday [later on] all the while,
but never mind.
despite i know that its gonna be last friday,
i would leave it and do it when im in the better mood to.
its the first time anyway.

got pathetic hangover for 2 days,
with work and school following.
im really a lousy drinker now who can get high with just 2 bottles of e.
whatever, it doesnt bother me.
im not into drinking and clubs now anyway.
and drinking to me now,
is purely i wanna get drunk and eff away all the unhappiness.
at least i can get drunk quick now, easy way out. lmao.
ignore me, you cant expect me to be sane at this hour.

to be happy or not, be the judge.
i got mc for 10 days,
and i hafta somehow or rather, to be quarantine at home.
cause i wouldnt wanna go out.
have been throwing tantrums and whining like a baby for 2 nights eversince i got my mc since friday.
and bby had been laughing at me, for crying over 10 days mc.
HOW SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL IS THAT HUH!
but im better now [emotionally more stable], and bby better stop laughing over me and being happy!
dont worry, eli is not having swine,
neither is she hiv positive.
its just some sickness which she feels that its an embarrassment.
kinda too old for this kinda illness. lol.

ultimate cravings when im physically sick;
cakes, chocolates, prima deli peanut waffles, chips and cookies.
im just a sucker for junk food when im sick.

& tons of pictures to be uploaded. anytime but not now.
&& im thinking of creating something like an icon for my sign off. hmmm..

loves, eli.