This is my blog,
and I will bitch bout' anything I please.
You may not know me, neither do I.
Contents are fully based on personal preference.
If you feel uneasy bout' it, bye!
Best viewed in IE.

this thought suddenly come to my mind;
i wanna fly to aussie to further my studies- i mean, DEGREE.
in this line im in now, aussie does have more prospects,
no doubt that s'pore is opening up too.
maybe, i will like the life there.

BUT i know it is almost impossible.
i have this naive thinking that if i happen to have conflict with a gangster or etc, they might very well finish me off with a gun;
as given my character, i can never control my feelings or emotions with the other.
thus, im always the outcast in some cases.
but as least, the people around me love me for who i am and i don't even hafta pretend, tiring ain't?
given a emotional girl who never follows her head,
i will definitely miss my family, the girls and friends!
factually, aussie is TONS better.
to be realistic, i just can't be independant.
happy being a mummy's girl.
i know i cant remain this way forever, i hafta grow up someday. =(

lalalas, BOO!

after i had finished my part for the group assignment,
as i was typing in jo's blog url to see if she has updated her blog,
i was telling myself, no. i don't wanna blog today.
well, jo did update her blog and after reading her post,
i can't help it but just wanna update too [in a way to reply to every single detail of her post cause tagging will be toooo troublesome].
disclaimer: thus, many content will be similar. (:

its like ages since jo went out with b and me alone,
i was suggesting; babe. wanna cs?
her immediate reaction was 'OKAY OKAY!' while nodding and trying to widen her tweeny eyes.
so we went to the usual place where we always CS, aye- Cathay.
while on our way there, i had this super craving for ben&jerry's!
hohoho, when's the last time i had my strawberry cheese cake?
and aye, 3 FAT and DIABETES INDUCING scoops of Ben & Jerry's. OH and a brownie too OMG. heheeh. (= same color somemore eh. lol.
after ben&jerry's, went up to e2max and we could only play for like an hour cause it close early on weekdays.
jo's idea: we tell him today is saturday la. confuse him.
OBVIOUSLY, b and me are not as silly as her. lalalas~

yours truly always leave the place irritated!
WHY?! cause MR BABY CHUA play cheat and keep PEEPING at jo's monitor screen.
i always banned b from using sniper and he used it!
reason was: i not enough money to buy other gun. crap.
i believed for a while THEN i realise, the sniper gun which he is using is the EXPENSIVE ONE!
like what i always believe, God is fair.
since b played cheat and go against his promise,
he himself, forgot to switch off the -idunnowhatisitcalled- [the screen whereby you can view other people when youre dead. we can always view our team mates but he didn't block it this time; viewing of opponents.] BOO! (=
i wanted to tell him but since he played CHEAT, why bother?
i told him at the end of the game and he was like, 'no wonder la. i thought you all so clever. when one of you die, i cant find the other at the supposed place.'
b, you hafta blame yourself, for CHEATING. (=

went to TSC, another hk cafe.
its like dunno how many donkey years ago since i last went there.
as usual, i order quite a lot and yes jo,
i'm the pig with the nicest smell. heh.

jo, you like the newest and best trick of mine eh?
can't wait till tmr.
well, i love you VANloads too. hehehheh.

oops! the beautiful angel.

trained down to yck to meet b after school today.
he went to amk to do a new pair of spects; hmmm.
then bb brought me to this coffee shop at amk for western food,
hey, though it is coffee shop, the food is nice! *thumbs up.
if the fries are the traditional ones, it will be superb! yummy. (:
and walked around amk and i found out!
stickers and pencils can be really cheap in those market kinda place!!
was telling mummy then she's like, "now then you know ah?" lmao.
anyway, thanks bb for bringing me there. (=

right, gotta do my assignment for involving parents and community.
sayonara~

sometimes, i just wished that the time would stop,
and things would stay.
if i could, i would turn back time and treasure those moments.
just more time; say me greedy.
but i just want it. =/

random yet happy!

elloooooooha!
its like ages since i spend time with my cousins;
well, i went over ivan's house today.
my dressing feels so lian can,
cause uncle francis is coming over to pick me as im lazy to walk over and since he's going over to ah lian mummy house to pick ah lian mummy up.
and i have like only less than half an hour to bathe and change?
so was at kor house and thinking that we'll go nowhere so it shouldn't be a prob.
then kor says wanna go vivo,
i was like 'huh? can don't want? look at my lian dressing.'
ended up we went vivo still and borrowed a top from mabelene sis.
then went dinner and toys r' us.
wanted to find spiderman stickers for cayden boy as he told me the other day that he wanted spiderman stickers.
but toys r' us do not have it. =(
bought cake for doreen sis as its her b'day tmr- 180808.
and surprised her!!!!!!!
sweetheart was sweet enough to come down to celeb jie's bday together.
thanks baby!
home sweet home thereafter.

totally heart my beloved cousins and of course, my baby!!
lucky lucky eli with many loved ones around!!

once bitten twice shy.
i can't stop wondering,
i just feel that you're doing it again.

maybe, i shouldn't start that first phonecall.

i trust, it is just that im afraid that it'll happen again.

for the first time that i found out,
i blamed you.
then, i blamed myself.
you agreed too,
no damage done for you.
cause it is me for you to do that.
will the same thing happen again?
or am i just simply too stupid and fj?

been reaching home early and surfing the net till unearthly hours aimlessly.
its cause i dont wanna the day to end just like that.

its like work and school.
i do love my work but hey, you do get tired.
with work in the morning, school in the noon and assignments in the night.
so i just wanna have an enjoyable and relaxed weekend.
its not like those happening weekends that im asking for.
was so looking forward to weekends cause it will be when im able to get enough sleep, have enough enjoyment.
but this weekend feels like its-just-another-day those kinda thing;
cause the things that ive done is the same as weekdays. =(

i just can't wait to meet my daddy.
ive so much things to discuss with him;
i know he will ask me to ask steph anyway. o.O
i really wish to get this settle quick, at least then, i will have a peace of mind.

i just wish, that my opinions will be sought and feelings will be considered.
that's all.

had work and school as usual.
then i trained to yck to meet bb.
when i was on the train today,
i saw this couple; both working adults.
the guy appears so sweet to his girl,
and they seemed to be able to talk about almost everything.
when they were telling their partner bout' their day,
the partner listened patiently.
they joked and hugged once in a while.
btw, im NOT a paparazzi. they're JUST right in front of me. (:

at that point of time, [few hours ago]
i was feeling so envious;
the feeling of a friend yet a lover feels so special.
i was thinking,
i rather not have the materialistic stuffs; car, money, designer stuffs etc,
i rather have a happy us.
it does not matter to me that we hafta take public transport or have a date at a coffee shop,
the two things that matter [which go hand-in-hand],
is that i'm with my loved one- my baby darl, and we're happy.
initially, i thought, these kinda feelings between us are long gone;
the interests, conversations topics and bla.
i thought that what people always claimed the 'honeymoon stage' will be gone as time goes on.
i was lost, filled with disappointment and anger when i told spongy bout' e'vrything,
i almost forgot the reason to love, and the meaning of love.
i thought, all i could see was nothing but a blurry future.

but just few minutes ago,
after all the nasty language,
we both calmed down.
we opened ourselves up and talked on every single thing,
that caused you and me to be unhappy.

understanding is all we need, baby.
the feeling is not gone at all; its just that we forgot and overlooked the tweenyweeny things.
you always appeared to be strong while you're so stressful with work and everything in the inside.
you appeared to be strong;
cause you wanna see me smile,
cause you wanna me to be happy,
cause you love me.
no, we do not have any 'honeymoon stage' like what people always say,
cause we love deeper each day.

persevere; i promise.
neither you or me could predict the years,
the road is gonna be bumpy, you and me know that.
i have you with me, i know,
and i assure you baby, you will have me by your side, always.
you have a choice, to be like them.

i trust you, you're different.
i know you are; the faithful one.

everything happens for a reason,
and the reason we want to go thru' these,
is love.



ps: babe, pardon me for not replying. i believe, you'll understand everything through this post. loves. (:

Thank God, for showing me the light and guide me thru' the darkness of my life.

weee~
b brought me to the japanese buffet at miramar hotel!
its like finally that b had brought me there despite him saying it since a year ago?
well, anyway, i'm still happy and thankful.
thanks baby!
i love the ebi and softshell tempura, fried tofu, maguro sashimi and the miso soup!
b managed to finish 11 ebi tempura after he had fried rice, cold soba, 1 fried tofu, softshell tempura, most of the salmon and maguro sashimi.
WOW right! heheheh.
sadly, i didn't manage to capture any photos bout' anything thou i DID bring my camera out with me.
just blame the place for being so crowded alright? =x

love is in the air. weeeee~~
jolene; MISSES!
my girls; MISSES!

b said that he got a surprise for me.
hmm. will be meeting him like mintues.
can't wait;

and finally, a smile.

hohohoho.

was browsing thru' friendster and facebook.

9 August 2008

pardon me for this belated post people.
though its just some random stuffs, i wanna blog bout' it so badly. (:

initially, b and i wanted to stay home all day to watch lord of the rings part 1 to part 3 then supper after.
yeh, i never ever watched it before; b says he wanna get me love what he loves. lol.
watched part 1; the fellowship of the ring- 3 hours, wasn't as bad as i thought.
i prefer harry potter still. (:
then, watched part 2; the two towers, and i fell asleep halfway. heh.
b was like so sad, "eh, you dont wanna watch already ah?"
sorry b, i was really tired and couldn't resist the temptation of lying on my bed after a super full pizza delivery. heh.
halfway thru' the part 2, rufus called b.
rufus was complaining about the crowd at ikea; queensway, and wanted to came over my place instead of queuing up for parking over there.
so rufus and jolene came over my place and i woke up.
chilling away at my place and the lovey-dovey couple got hungry.
rufus and jolene waited for me and b to prepare and went for dinner at the coffee shop downstairs.

after so, we went CS-ing! hahahha.
it was jo's first time and that girl got giddy and nauseous due to the turning here and there.
she's good for a first timer, i can say.
hoho, FJs VS the MCPs. lmao.
no doubt that we lose BUT! its not a big difference alright!! (:
towards the end of the game, jo and i cooperate really well.
we didnt plan it okay!
i think, its all cause of the MCPs lah!
disturb us here and there and makes us feel like fools. AND! keep looking at our computer screens.
so guys, never ever doubt the girls' capability. heh.
throughout the game, it was really crappy and funny.
here are some of the details:

(1) jo and i (counter-terrorists) couldn't differentiate the uniform between counter-terrorists and terrorists.
so we ended up shooting one another initially. we got clever and when we spot a suspicious character, we'll ask, "babe, is that you?"
if its a yes, we obviously dont shoot. if its a no, yeh know it aye.
ps: we killed one another once. FAIR! lol.

(2) as jo is new to the game, she only looked infront and doesn't look behind.
idiotic b went to knife her at her back and jo kept turning left and right and kept asking, "eh eh, where where?" lmao.

(3) rufus kept complaining that we girls attacked them from the back.
so there's this time, i saw him below and jo and i were attacking him.
i jumped down from the roof and went beside him (he was busy shooting jo and facing to her direction).
in order not for him to complain, i stood beside him awhile.
he didnt bother to look so i shot him. he was like, 'wtf, where?' haha.

(4) jo's gun went out of bullets and the game only left her and rufus.
so i told rufus to pause and used knife instead.
then he tell jo happily, "darling, you wait for me. i coming over now. i drop my gun already.'
the tone was like, 'eh, im so happy to risk myself to die man.' heheh.

then, after 2 hours of cs, we decided to watch movie since its still pretty early.
money no enough 2 is just average. hhehe.
alright, random.
bye!

overall! it was GREAT. happy happy!! (:
ps: some movies ive watched since dunno when. heh.

baby, i miss you.

i want to a child, again.
never ever want to grow up.

seeing how the children laugh and have fun like no tomorrow,
and seeing how they cry over the slightest thing,
i miss my life; as a child.
uh aye, i know, no freedom.
but all the innocence, carefree mind and truthful soul of e'vryone,
the exchange of freedom for all these, its definitely worth it.

i remember;
how i would wish that i can grow quick when i was a child.
given a choice again,
i would choose to remain as a child, forever; nostalgic.
i never want to face this world,
all the pretences, the cruelty, the politics, everything.
ask me, how was i been brought up?
a pampered princess.
have i ever got e'vrything i wanted?
yess.
when friends were talking bout' their past,
how badly caned and stressful (academically) they were when they were young
i would keep quiet.
when they asked me if i ever been thru' that before, my answer is a no.
ive always been sheltered from e'vrything.
and now, i hafta face this world.
i am still not ready. will i ever be? i don't know.

tell me, what have i done to get all these shit?
people are always blinded by the pretenders,
as what they see, the angel.
yet me, the devil;
for me being me.
am i wrong being just me?
logically, i know im not wrong.
but sad to say that's how this world is,
if you don't know how to pretend,
you'll be an outcast.
and that's yours truly; me.

i don't wanna grooooooooooooow up!!!!!!
i miss my childhood days, i seriously do.
tell me, it is just a nightmare; and im still a child.

ho, it was just another empty promise.
another, aye.
i no longer need any anaesthetic; immunized.

i know and i always hope, that things will be the way it is now;
i thought, maybe i'll feel better.
yes i do, just carry on life as it is, without feeling any much of a big impact.
i am, again, afraid to look myself in the mirror and to see what i had become.
i treasure this special affinity.

tell me, what am i supposed to do?

logics vs emotions, denial, nonacceptance, mcp-ness,
feelings were always overlooked.
the feeling of pulling back and yet, another continues,
then, just dropping a message to cease all the tension.

the feeling of talking bout dreams and passion; in return,
it was all the sacarsm, discouragement etc,
when reason was being sought,
it was just "i don't find it meangingful. for what?"
understanding was no longer expected,
the very least was just to listen,
no encouragement, no worries.
just don't discourage.

sometimes, it just feel so wrong.
but you're the one who makes e'vrything in my life right.
why am i always contradicting myself?
God, hold my hand and lead me thru'.
i need light.