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thought could catch up all those movies that i wanna watch this week but sighs, bb's off-days burned.
was called back to camp to report early in the morning as he is on standby.
followed him back to camp cause we thought it will only takes awhile and will book out soon after he scanned his card and briefing.
who knows, he's been called back to capture the "highly-wanted guy".
he've gotta stay in camp and i'm in the car outside his camp waiting.
waited for like 5 hours before rufus came down to drive the car back.
AND! i was hungry since the previous night.
almost had gastric but luckily, mr ahem* bought me breakfast. -you know who you are, and you know the reason why you can't be named. (=
that was really sweet of mr ahem* and much appreciation to mr ahem* and rufus.


rest at his place though he ain't at home, i'm way too bloody hell tired to care too much.
woke up and met jolene, jos and rufus.
rufus came to pick me up at his place and had dinner, slacked and sheesha-ed.
the gang tried to cheer me up and distract me from all the worries that i had earlier on. millions thanks. (=
and jolene, i don't mind you going back to blogging. highly recommendable eh! thumbs up up up!
alright, gotta go bed already cause promised bb not to stay up too late. heh. (=


anyway, i looooooooooove the show "PS: I love you".
its soooooooooooo sweet and its really worth watching.
the story and the movie don't really match with some descriptions in the story though.
but overall, its awwwwesome!


bb, i miss you so bad.

was turning left and right, east and west on my bed.
i'm thinking should i blog, cause the stupid thought of getting up from my bed to blog struck me.
most importantly, gotta overcome all those feelings/reluctance/unwillingness to leave bb's arm and not having his warmth around me and trying to get off the bed without bb's attention.
clumsy elephant like me, he obiviously caught me fidgeting around and woke up to ask where i'm going.
without a second thought, i told him i wanna shit. heh.
darl, i'm sorry to lie ya. but i don't know, there is just this temptation.
and i know you won't be happy if i told you the truth. its a white lie okay! loves. (:


he was sleeping so soundly and yeh, sweet looking.
i believe even tsunami/earthquake etc won't even bear to wake him up. hahaahah.
poor bb, gotta wake up early in the morning to work in the office even though he's having his one week off and gotta accompany me when he ends work.
despite all these, he'll still patiently listen to my complaints regarding almost everything.
i don't know why, i will always feel weak when its bedtime and especially when i'm in his arms.
anyway, i love those pillow talks we will have every night when we're sleeping together.
how sweet, his hugs and kisses are priceless,
i won't wanna live without them and i believe, bb won't take them away from me too. lovelove. (=
even the sky falls upon me or the world falls apart somehow, someday,
i'm sure that i will feel safe and sound when i'm in bb's arms.
with his hugs and his gentle voice,
all these are enough to assure me from all the disastrous events that are gonna happen.
i don't know why, i just had the feeling to post how i feel here.
i just had to.
feeling so much better now and well, off to bed with bb beside me.
yipee! nights peeps. (:

finally, i saw the true colors of you.
i admit, i was kinda confused when i received your message.
but now, i'm totally free from all the confusions.
seriously, you know me way too well,
i know simply nuts about you,
or the fact that i don't know you at all.
rufus they all are telling me cause i'm too open,
i trust almost everyone.
therefore causing you to read me like a book.
the stories that you told me bout' you and him,
how you two get together.
is just a pack of lies to cover your indecency.
and 'prove' your innocence.
hopes gone, disappointment in you is all i can say.


at the age of 18, i've gotta face all these politics shit.
i compared myself with sokwei,
and i just wanna lead a life like hers.
free of all these problems which doesn't involved me at all,
yet i was affected.
i'm not saying i'm still a mummy's girl,
its simply just the fact that i'm still young man.
though i'm so used to early 20s life,
i'm only 18.
i can't imagine myself saying all these man,
but i really don't know how am i suppose to face all these shit.
the world is really not that simple as i think, now i truly know what it means.
right, i must find back the eli who had been lost,
the happy-go-lucky girl who was always so positive.


and fyi when you're reading this,
i'm not planning about anything to get back to the two of you,
cause i believe that God is fair, and you will taste your own masterpiece.
like what jolene says, time will tell.
no matter how long will that takes, i don't care.
for now, i will just carry on leading my life with bb.
be it ups or downs, we'll face it and walk thru' it together.
we'll definitely be there for one another when another problem rise,
and we'll definitely still be there for one another when the problem cease.


i might have my complains bout' facing all these shit at this age.
but at the very least, i've gained something. (:
i have gained to see and understand what does jos always mean, the old alvin.
see, that's why i say God is fair. hahahah.


gotta go preparing.
meeting my bb darl! (:

i'm supposed to be in my bed now as i'm gonna wake up at 8 later. (now is 4.18am)
a prank call from a friend and keeps me all awake now.
i was fcuking tired alright, and i only doze off for like an hour?
tried getting back to sleep but i can't.


many things really happened recently.
bb's driving stuffs and now, another legal issue.
am i the one who is bringing my surrounding people bad luck?
i seems like a curse this year. wtff.
superstitious, i know.
but i'm not like any other teens nowadays.
say me old-fashioned, but there are certain things i believed.
and many teens now are following the "chrisitan/catholic" trend.
sad to say, i'm not. i'm religious too but to taoism.
i just find "xinduans" a wonder, if you know what i'm saying.
its those sorta medium stuffs.
some people might be thinking i'm bullshitting.
i shall get one of the medium videos, whom is my cousin, to post it down here.
in the possesion of money god, but can a human jump on to a stick which resembles bamboo stick and balance themselves?
i'm amused by the wonder man. hahaha.


wanted to upload pictures but blogger have some problems with the pictures uploading.
the next post maybe? (:

current disorder: suffering from hell lots of misses of bb syndrome.


finally tomorrow is thursday,
and it means the hell end of his toughest outfield, the stupid damn "A-tag".
the stupid outfield which he and his mates had trained for the past 1 1/2 years.
and i hope things will really go like how bb says, relax life and all he had to do is to clear leaves.
and again, i hope, all this hell shit will be over for him.
slacked with sokwei and kaiyun earlier on and i told sokwei i miss him like hell loads.
she was saying, "what's gotten into you nowadays? you weren't like this before." haha.
well, maybe that's what happen for a lost-and-found love, which makes me realise how important he is to me. and the worst thing is, we can hardly contact when he is having his "A-tag".
that's my explanation and she gave me that "oh, i see" face and laughed. wtf right.
and i know you'll be reading this. haha.


had a heavy supper which makes me feel real sinful now.
but i hope sour plum would help to reduce the intakes and help me digest better. (:
i think now i know why i always sleep after 6.
cause i wanna watch "my fair princess 3".
i don't understand why am i not buying the disc though, maybe cause i'm still not really use to the change of the actors and actresses. looool.


bb, i've hell lots of things wanna rant.
but i can't, cause like what sw and ky say,
its already the past and its over.
no point starting an unnecessary quarrel over some stupid past.
though he lied, its already over and a quarrel or a confrontation can't change anything.
but all i want is just some assurances to feel secure.
but nevermind, just listen to the girls' advice.
neither one of us should be bothered by any of our past anyway.
i've gotta change and get out of my nutshell.
cause now is the present and its the future we wanna create. (:


and kaiyun is complaining that i don't have much pics in my blog. wahaha.


ps: bb, i miss you.

was reading thru' all those past posts,
this blog seems to be created for a reason,
not a reason in particular.
it just reminds me of the process when i just know bb, when he becomes a 'hero' to help me, when he likes me, when we got into a midst of boy/girlfriend and friends relationship and bla bla bla. heh.
read the posts that i have wrote when bb was doing overseas training in austrilia.
those counting down days for him to be back in singapore.
i have the similar feeling like last october/november,
counting down the no. of days for him to book out.
awwww, bb darl,
i miss yoooooooooooooou.
can't wait for him to ORD, really.
at that time, we will be a step nearer to our dreams.
all i can do now is to wait....

i'm missing bb so so sooooo much.
and poor bb is having "A-tag". (if this is the way to spell it)
looking forward to meet him this weekend,
and counting his days to his freedom, ORD.
missing him so bad.
oh man, i thinking i'm suffering from shooting disorder.
like what jos always say, keep jump here and there in the mind,
then keep missing the shot. haha.


was writing this post and he called like few minutes back.
just a short talk though. yet it feels so precious.
bb, i hope you've enough rest alright.
i'll be waiting for the very day for our dreams to come true,
iloveyou. (:

anyway, as i was saying, met up with sw in the cab to go for my appointment.
and clever enough, i forget to bring the address with me and kinda got lost.
worst enough, i didn't save the contact of NIM in my phone, so called 100 to ask for the no.
went to the the wrong tower still though, and almost took the wrong lift.


after the appointment and stuffs, went to La Senza @ PS to get what i wanted.
hohoho. my craving for lingerie seems like it will never end.
and got something new which i never had before- gstrings. haha.
wondering how is it going to feel when i have that string in between my ass checks.
sounds so not right eh. haha.
applied for La Senza membership card cause La Senza lingerie is my new love. hohoo~
jos joined us for dinner and i've got a surprise for my baby darl. heh.
and sw went back to La Senza to get her tshirt bra after some consideration and bought gstrings too.
so when i used my membership card to get discount for her, my card was expired.
cause the lady filled in "Expiry Date: 17th Feb 08" lol.
then the other lady edited the expiry date for me. haha.
luckily sw went back to get her stuffs cause neither one of us even realise.
then went to collect the surprise that i had got for baby, the salesperson charge me at a wrong price which was cheaper, but he say never mind. haha.
sw was like saying, "what a day for me. cause i nearly got cheated and i've got discount," when i don't even realise. hahaha.


gotta run and ferlyn, we miss you. (:

moisturiser done. foundation done. eyeliner done. mascara done. blusher done. lip balm done.
alright, i'm bimbotic enough to do my make up infront of my webcam. haha.


appointment at 5pm and now is 4:32pm.
i'm still at home and i'm waiting for sw to cab here while i'm blogging this.
so, i might end this post rather ridiculously.
after my appointment, gonna go for lingerie shopping if the time allows me to do so. heh.
i have that little lingerie addiction eversince i'm going under thru' puberty.
and obviously, when i started to have the assets. ahem. haha.
i can't possibly go for singlets addiction yeh. haha.
wanted to go La Senza but gotta travel to town.
hmmm, shall see how things go later.


a "Come don now" text from sokwei. BYE~

i believe that somebody out there will think that i will be cursing that its unfair or bla and complain in this post, and i will be damn mad.
but, NO.
and this post is dedicated to that somebody out there.


darl's mummy will stop giving me CPF due to some whatever shitty reasons,
and seriously, i don't even give a damn.
okay, the story goes like this;
i will be given CPF from his mum's company cause of some politics shit,
and i only agreed so when jos promised me work.
cause i don't wanna get the CPF money for granted, its still money dude.
i don't wanna owe any favours, that's how i was brought up, a good upbringing in respect, dignity and never be greedy.
and now, after three months, i won't be having any more CPF from his mum's company.
cause some 'boss' seems to be bossing around and crapped that when jos sends me the doc via the net,
people will heck and get the company's info, or,
when i service my computer, outsiders will get the info, or,
i will give the info to those bangalas and caused troubles.
jos was saying, as though i'm bill gates. haha.
yep, that's the 'reasons' that the 'boss' give.
and mind that i quoted the words, boss and reasons.
cause neither of you is the boss.
alright, i must stop getting personal here.
and for all i care, who's the boss and who's making the decision,
cause i ain't greedy for that LARGE amount of money that i'll be receiving.
and though i asked for something to do upon helping his mum,
its still a hinderance for me.
imagine, i hafta settle my education stuffs, and go visitings during cny.
its just a burden to me, maybe?
and well, i shall thank you, bosses, for what you both had done. ROFL.


and for what had happened at darl's house today,
i was thankful for his mum saying that.
cause darl promised me to love me more to make it up to me.
and i know he's definitely going to do that!
i loooove my baby darl! heh. (:


ps: go be a boss' wife for all you want, and go fight for all you want. its like, i care. haha.
enjoy you loveydovey sweet moments with your guy.
and go ahead, showing this post to him or anyone else, or,
go ahead acting sad in front of him for me saying this of you and bla bla bla.
for now, i believe its a fullstop, not only to this post, but to us.

it was just plainly hours,
yet i felt i'm missing something so special
that i thought could never again be mine.
knowing that this chance seems to come
once in a lifetime
memories of the sweet, loving and giving you,
kept flashes thru' my mind,
i kept telling myself that i'm gonna be just fine.
i thought i could never ever define the Love
that lies between him and i,
as it feels so deep and could have always hide.
but now, i realized it was so deep inside,
it was the best day in my entire life.


i thought things would remain thou' you're gone,
i felt so lost and empty without you.
wonder if it'll happy ending in the end,
when you told me we might never be the same.
be it we turns out better or turns out worse,
history might be repeated,
but its a risk i'm definitely going to take.
i don't wanna lose something that is so important to me,
i'm ready for a brand new day,
to share our dreams and that special Love,
which i will never wanna risk again.


ps: iloveyou.

HAPPY CNY PEOPLE!
hohohohoho.
people are looking forward to CNY,
cause got angbaos.
but not me, i just wanna gather with my family. heh. (:


anyway, thinking back,
i think that CNY is the only festival that has the longest holiday eh?
hhahaha.


byee~
mahjong session.