This is my blog,
and I will bitch bout' anything I please.
You may not know me, neither do I.
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Seeing ya being yourself, being so happy,
I'm happy for you too.
And it also makes me see that ya can lead a happier and better life, without me.
People tells me ya stressed up, ya confused,
I don't wanna hope, I can't.
But I know, ya no longer feels the same anymore.
All I know is that ya happy now,
and I no longer matters.

I'm sorry for causing ya life stressful and miserable for the past two and the half years.
I'm sorry that I'm never an understanding girlf,
I'm sorry for not being a caring and thoughtful girlf.
If I could say,
I would say I miss ya so bad, so much.
If I could tell ya how I feel,
I would tell ya that I really love you so,
I never thought that I would love you that much.
I didn't know, and when I realized,
It's all too late..
It's all too late for anything,
It's all too late to salvage.
It's already gone.
I thought I was always the one trying,
I thought I was always the one feeling and thinking.
I was wrong, very very wrong.
Im sorry for taking you for granted,
I'm truly sorry cause,
little had I thought that this would happen.
I know I'm a laughing stock in every eyes,
I don't give a damn.
I had given it all out.

It breaks my heart when I know that I can no longer call ya 'baby', feel ya care, ya lips, ya body warmth and can no longer tell you how much I love you and miss you.
I can't tell anyone in this world,
as nobody seems to really understand how I feel..
I feel lifeless and souless,
wandering around alone..
I'm still here, where I am now,
It's caused I promise you so.

I'm sorry.

everywhere and anywhere that i seems to be,
seems to have the memories of you and me.
simple memories like the movies we watched, and the dinner that we had..

as i sat down there,
and think about how we used to be.
and looking at us now,
something had really went very wrong which leads us to where we are now.

when i didnt hope for anything,
you bring me up high and show me hope.
when i learn to hope,
there's nothing left for me to.
when im unsure,
you assured and showed me light.
i felt so right, and i really thought,
things will change for the better this time round.
my fears and my worries,
were all gone right after we talked.
i trust, i believe.
but with just a snap of ya fingers, i fell;
i fall bad, real bad this time.
nothing of the past could be compared to how i feel right now.

now, i aint allowed to hope,
i dont even have the courage to.
my future is empty, without you.

we spoke peacefully about the parting, i thought you understand all.
after hours on the phone,
nothing seems to get inside you.

i used to give up everything, for you,
i changed for the better, for you.
i dont wanna do this anymore,
feelings aint been understood nor appreciated;
cause thats what i ought to do.

people who knew bout' us,
people who bother bout' how i feel,
i had told these people everything which i had told you.
i told them only once,
and i hafta told you more than once.
its not a problem at all, i dont mind.
the only negative comment which i received was that i had looked too far ahead,
nothing but cause 'my feelings are fading'.
if what you said was true,
i wouldnt even fear, when the thought comes across my head.
i wouldnt even make the decision, which i hate to make.

It's just not meant to be, I know.

Our wants, our characters just differ from what we expect in the future.
I can't stop thinking, and missing you thou,
when I know that we won't have a happy future.
We had spoke and hidden feelings were all told,
I believe this is gonna be real,
cause we can't compromise,
or should I say, we no longer want to.

Things went easy this time,
maybe it's all cause we no longer love and feel the same.
I feel myself being foolish, for pinning on the hope to still see ya, nothing more but just a friend.
I know it's impossible, cause that's not how you would react.

We just don't wanna waste time,
and I dunno how long it may take,
But I know, time will heal all the wounds,
I hope the time is soon, i wanna be happy.

Wounds may heal, scars will remain,
and I will never ever forget what had happened during these two years of my life.
Happy and sad, sweet and disappointment,
I will remember everything about us.
At least I still believe, that our love was true.

Love doesn't make the world go round,
loving ya, it does.
Maybe it's just not practical enough to last for a lifetime.

it seems like im a souless creature,
im less bothered bout' anything.

the irritating and sickening pretenders around me,
ive so much t bitch.
but i can't find any appropriate descriptive words to let it all out!

all those things that i know of and hear,
im wary, and trying v hard to be cautious.
its all cause i dont wanna risk any ifs as ive experienced them, seen them and feel them.
its tiring to be sooooo self-conscious,
and i hate it.

yikes at the thoughts of those smiles, laughters, everything in all.

i learnt, i tried to keep up,
being a pretender.
its hard and i thought,
an impossible task for me.
but well, i think i did it?
i long for the day when im capable of being immune to those feelings; guilt, disgusted w self, lousy, bad and all those nasty feelings ya can think of.
but, will i like myself then,
when im alr starting to detest for being who i am now?

when i did nothing,
you wanna me to try.
when i try,
you wanna me to try harder.
and when i had tried harder,
its still not enough.
it will never be.

i no longer know me.
but i know you love what you had created.

ive no idea whats going on with me recently,
am i being insensitive or too sensitive? lol.
i dont know.

im trying very hard not to be bothered or affected bout' it.
im sorry but i care, so i cant.
it had always been so easy to tell you everything,
but its getting harder now.

just let it go,
dont be too bothered bout' it. (:

aye, anyway,
my babies are leaving one by one. :(
asher's gone in a new school,
and now cayden love and baby anson are gonna migrate to perth.
its better for the kiddos though,
they would def be in better hands when they're in perth.
but well, missessss!!
maybe aisha is right,
as time goes by, i will be used to having my babies leaving..

hopefully, i will be taking the new batch of kinderones next year!!