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and I will bitch bout' anything I please.
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finally, i saw the true colors of you.
i admit, i was kinda confused when i received your message.
but now, i'm totally free from all the confusions.
seriously, you know me way too well,
i know simply nuts about you,
or the fact that i don't know you at all.
rufus they all are telling me cause i'm too open,
i trust almost everyone.
therefore causing you to read me like a book.
the stories that you told me bout' you and him,
how you two get together.
is just a pack of lies to cover your indecency.
and 'prove' your innocence.
hopes gone, disappointment in you is all i can say.


at the age of 18, i've gotta face all these politics shit.
i compared myself with sokwei,
and i just wanna lead a life like hers.
free of all these problems which doesn't involved me at all,
yet i was affected.
i'm not saying i'm still a mummy's girl,
its simply just the fact that i'm still young man.
though i'm so used to early 20s life,
i'm only 18.
i can't imagine myself saying all these man,
but i really don't know how am i suppose to face all these shit.
the world is really not that simple as i think, now i truly know what it means.
right, i must find back the eli who had been lost,
the happy-go-lucky girl who was always so positive.


and fyi when you're reading this,
i'm not planning about anything to get back to the two of you,
cause i believe that God is fair, and you will taste your own masterpiece.
like what jolene says, time will tell.
no matter how long will that takes, i don't care.
for now, i will just carry on leading my life with bb.
be it ups or downs, we'll face it and walk thru' it together.
we'll definitely be there for one another when another problem rise,
and we'll definitely still be there for one another when the problem cease.


i might have my complains bout' facing all these shit at this age.
but at the very least, i've gained something. (:
i have gained to see and understand what does jos always mean, the old alvin.
see, that's why i say God is fair. hahahah.


gotta go preparing.
meeting my bb darl! (: