Sunday, August 3, 2008
ho, it was just another empty promise.
another, aye.
i no longer need any anaesthetic; immunized.
i know and i always hope, that things will be the way it is now;
i thought, maybe i'll feel better.
yes i do, just carry on life as it is, without feeling any much of a big impact.
i am, again, afraid to look myself in the mirror and to see what i had become.
i treasure this
special affinity.
tell me, what am i supposed to do?
logics vs emotions, denial, nonacceptance, mcp-ness,
feelings were always overlooked.
the feeling of pulling back and yet, another continues,
then, just dropping a message to cease all the tension.
the feeling of talking bout dreams and passion; in return,
it was all the sacarsm, discouragement etc,
when reason was being sought,
it was just "i don't find it meangingful. for what?"
understanding was no longer expected,
the very least was just to listen,
no encouragement, no worries.
just don't discourage.
sometimes, it just feel so wrong.
but you're the one who makes e'vrything in my life right.
why am i always contradicting myself?
God, hold my hand and lead me thru'.
i need light.
loves, eli.
4:11:00 PM