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it has got me thinking and wondering again..

i was having my doubts,
and you encouraged me to.
telling me all the logic and theories of life,
nagging at me for my silliness.
i always pay 101% of attention when you spoke,
and listen attentively to what you had to say.
i remembered that phone call which i dont expect,
caring for me when we knew each other only for months.
i thought you, my friend, was true,
i thought you meant every single word.
i thought and i thought..
i seem t be wrong, again.

i dont know.

every moment flashes thru' my mind,
i can remember each and every one clearly.
time passes, wounds recovered.
still, scars remained.

i was once such a happy girl,
with a wonderful family, loving hot girlfriends and an understanding boyf.
i realized the many changes in me...

i can never be as pure as how i used to be,
i cant be a simple girl again.
im never as lively,
im never as cheerful,
im never as friendly,
im no longer the happygolucky kinda sort.
there seems to be many hidden feelings within me which i dont even know,
its seems like i can never be true again; im stained.
it seems like im so affected and influenced by the society,
the cruel, harsh and realistic world.
i feel so much of a pretender myself now,
i feel insecure.
i feel pathetic.
i feel a total bitch in me.

there's a period in my life,
i was forced to face this practical and realistic world.
it was def a killer for me,
and i really thank god that im still alive.
&& im def blessed with a real bff, sokwei.
she's always there when im living my life to the fullest,
she will still be there when im having lows.
she will slap me if im a stupid bitch,
she will kiss me if im good.
she's the simplest girl ive ever met.
i strongly believe,
and sincerely wish,
both of us will treasure this special affinity, this special friendship.
sokwei, if youre reading this,
im so glad that you stole my gtech pen. (:


pardon me for the long lost pic, im using my lappy and peeks are on my desktop! (:

i cant wait for work tmr..
with the kiddos, im never a pretender.
thats why i love my job.

&&& sokwei, hope everything goes fine for ya. its really worrying..